Remembering my beloved NiNi: Oct 16, 1994-May 21, 2010

NOTE:  I originally drafted the following on May 25th- the first day that I felt somewhat composed and able to write through my tears.  It has sat in my draft folder since then.  I finally feel strong enough to share.

May 25, 2010


I always knew that the day would come.   Being nearly 16-years-old made my fuzzy friend quite an old-timer.  Of course, I didn't think it would happen last Friday evening.  Not at all.

Born October 16, 1994, Neiland Aloysius entered my life in January of 1995.  He was the very first fuzzle that I considered to be mine.  Sure, I had grow up with a dog, but she belonged to my parents. We had two outdoor cats, but they really belonged to my mom.  NiNi, however, he was all mine.

The day that I adopted him I pretty much had two kitties to pick from.  The first one that the breeder brought out to me was a beautiful orange Persian with bright, golden eyes.  The orange kitty snuggled & purred in my arms and looked up adoringly at me.  The breeder than asked me if I wanted to see the other one.  I told her, "of course" and she proceeded to yell to her 10-year-old son to, "Go get the white one.  He's under the bed."

Most people probably would have smiled happily at the snuggly, adoring orange kitty and walked right out the door with it.  But, not me.  I waited for the white one.  A striking cream-point Himalayan.  When I first held NiNi, he wanted nothing to do with me.  I suppose he wanted back under that bed.  But his ice blue eyes, creamy white fur and cute little orange tipped ears and tail called out to me.  I'm a sucker for the underdog anyway, so home I went with my little ball of fluffy white goodness!

A fluffy, white ball of cotton at 1-year-old

Just as quickly as I fell in love with my husband when I was 16-years-old, I feel in love with my NiNi.  He was shy at first and not interested in being held, but I never gave up on him.  I picked him up constantly, talked softly to him, reassured him over and over again that he was going to have the absolute best home ever.

In time, NiNi grew into a wonderful, confident and extremely devoted cat.  He let me carry him all over the house, flopped up on my shoulder or flipped over and cradled in my arms.  He would even let me hang him upside down.  He trusted me wholly.  Wherever I was in the house, he was with me.  I could move from room to room and he would walk right behind me.

He used to sit a lot like this when he was younger.  'Old Man' pose!

I took him with me when I went on a nearly 2-month motorhome trip with my grandparents and my mother around the US and Canada.  He would spend his days riding on the dashboard or sleeping on the bed in the back.  We still joke that his amazingly soft fur (which felt exactlylike cotton) is all over North America.  For whatever reason, that thought soothes me right now.

As he grew older he took up "residence" in areas where he would continue to be close to me and Scott.  His most favorite spot over the past 6 years was on the back on the couch, right behind my head.  Whenever one of us would sit in front of him, he would rest his chin or his paw on our right shoulder.  He was my ever faithful alarm clock too.  At 6AM he would come and rest on my pillow; his soft fluff pressing into my cheek.  He would purr for a while and if that didn't wake me up, he would dig his little flat face into my head and try to bite my scalp.  That always worked and was a signature NiNi move!  "Get up, Mom!"

Relaxing on the back of the couch

Unfortunately, throughout all of these good times, NiNi was quite a sick kitty.  From the day that I adopted him, his digestive system was never quite right.  He would have bouts of vomiting, diarrhea and bloody stools and our vet at the time just couldn't figure out why.  Once, when he was 5, an episode was so bad that I thought I was going to lose him. 


We moved to Florida when he was nearly 7 and of course, brought him to a new veterinarian.  This vet encouraged us to take a good look at food ingredients and try to experiment with that for a bit.  I completely changed his diet, making sure none of his food contained any by-products or any ingredients known to be sensitizing.  This helped with the diarrhea almost instantaneously.  It was truly miraculous.  That's not to say that he never again had an episode, it's just that they were no longer daily.

Some more chillaxin' on the back of the couch.  Obviously a favorite past-time.

Unfortunately, the change in diet did not help with the persistent vomiting.  NiNi would vomit every single morning like clockwork- 5AM on the money.  Eventually we saw another vet who finally diagnosed him as a GI kitty with a case of inflammatory bowel disease.  Famotidine was prescribed to ease his stomach and he pretty much had the best 5 years of his life after this!  He gained weight, his eyes were bright, he was sparky!  It was glorious!  I gave him Famotidine every, single morning by hiding the pill in a bit of laxatone (used for hairballs).   He loved the stuff; hence all of the 'wake-up head biting' that he was so well known for.

Of course, as interested as he was in receiving his medicine each morning, he was also sleeping a lot during the day & night.  His hips clicked when he walked.  We had to make him a set of mini-stairs so that he was able to get up on our bed.  Sometimes at night I would hear him let out a long howl- as if he was confused about his surroundings.  I would then call to him and he would instantly come to my voice. I knew the hands of time had taken a toll on my little boy.

Snuggling with his younger sister, Ashes.

This past February when he went in for his annual check-up, his blood calcium levels came back as high.  Evidently they had been 'slightly' elevated the year before, but now they were definitively high.  Our trusted vet told us that at age 15 and with his chronic history of GI issues, we could be looking at gastrointestinal lymphoma or maybe just an idiopathic case of calcium elevation or maybe something else entirely.  Our vet consulted with another vet and the decision to put him on a very low dose of Lasix was made in an effort to help his kidneys filter out the calcium.  From February to May, I noticed that he seemed to be losing some weight and that his coat wasn't looking quite as nice as it used to.  Also, in late April he had a very bad episode of diarrhea which left him exceptionally stressed (panting).  I thought I was going to lose him that night and I soothingly told him that if it was time for him to go, that I would be OK with that.  I wanted him to be at peace, to be pain free.  However, he pulled through the night and life went on as usual.

On a follow-up trip to the vet during the first week of May , it was revealed that he had lost 3 pounds and that his calcium levels hadn't really budged much at all.  His amylase was now also elevated.  The weight loss was startling.  I knew he had lost weight, but when you have a very fluffy pet, it's often difficult for the naked eye to detect.  I could feel that he was bonier when I would pick him up, but he was still eating so I imagined that maybe he had only lost 1 pound or so.  I never dreamed that it was actually three pounds (or nearly 30% of his body weight)!

Getting older now

This past Friday morning we brought him to the vet for a special ionized calcium test.  The blood draw was quick and we were back out the door.  When we got home, he went about his normal routine... lots of sleeping, but still following us around from room to room.  Later that evening we had steak and sweet potato and since he was very interested in my meal (as usual), I gave him a few bites of my sweet potato, which he loved.  Three hours later he would be on the way to the emergency vet.

It all happened so quickly that it's almost too difficult for my brain to remember. It was like a light switch flipped!  Scott & I were watching a stage of the Tour de California that I had DVRd earlier in the day and all of the sudden, NiNi hopped up onto our entertainment system and was trying to crawl onto the amplifier (which he never does).  He turned to us and I noticed he was panting.

I freaked, screamed, picked him up and carried him to his litter box... where he collapsed.  Scott then came in and picked him up and tried to hold him.  He was crying out in pain.  In nearly 16 years with him, I had never heard him howl in pain like this.  It was awful, just awful.  An emotional wreck, I said to Scott, "You've got to take him.  He's got to go now."  Scott knew what I meant, but I didn't know which way I was going.  I couldn't find anything.  The phone number to the vet, a towel for the cage, my mind was numb and blank.  While Scott gathered up everything that they would need for the trip, I tried to soothe NiNi on the floor.  He was no longer howling, but he was still panting and severely salivating.  He also did not have the strength to stand.  I cried to him, I talked to him.  Told him that I loved him and that it was OK to go.  He was going to be OK soon.

Scott approached with the cat carrier and we said our quick goodbyes.  My mother rushed over to my house to be with me... a complete whaling, hysterical mess at this point.  I was losing my first-born, my heart...

Scott stayed in touch with me while the emergency vet ran lab work on NiNi.  He told me that NiNi was no longer in distress and was resting comfortably.  Eventually the lab work returned and showed that NiNi was severely anemic.  He was either bleeding internally or just not making RBCs anymore.  The vet felt that it was the latter and that a blood transfusion would only buy him some time.  Scott sent one last text saying that NiNi would be sleeping soon.

The last picture of us together.  It was taken by crappy, grainy Apple Photo Booth, but nevertheless, I'm so glad that I captured the moment.  He would always sit on the couch behind me and then drape his head and left paw over my right shoulder.  I miss this terribly!

Crying so hard that I thought my head was going to explode, I stumbled my way into the kitchen and tried to occupy myself.  While washing a soup pan, I felt the life drain out of me.  I can't explain it, but it was like a weight just sunk deeply into my soul, ripping my heart apart.  I slumped over the sink.  I knew at that moment NiNi had passed on.  We were that connected.  Scott told me that NiNi passed on peacefully in his arms... while receiving lots of chin strokes (his favorite).

I know my little old dude is pain free and comfortable now and I continue to try to think about that as the hours and days tick on.  I cried the entire day on Saturday.  The entire day!  On Sunday, I could go about 2 hours without crying and then the waterworks would start again.  Yesterday, I managed to only cry twice... and so far, so good this morning.  I miss him terribly, but he is no longer suffering and I'm trying to take comfort in that.  In retrospect, I've uncovered so many little things over the last month that were tell-tale signs that his time on Earth was coming to end.  Little signs that I just either didn't see at the time or chose to ignore (more likely the latter).  I couldn't imagine my life without NiNi, so I chose not to see just how severely his health had declined since the first part of the year.

The house doesn't feel quite the same... it probably never will.  Normally he would be sitting next to me right now as I make my morning computer rounds, but instead, the couch is vacant.  I find myself listening for the sound of his feet (cobby bodied cats walk very 'heavily' compared to lither cats like our Siamese).  I miss the softness and the scent of his fur.  He had a very special scent.  I miss his calm, gentle demeanor.  I miss everything about him.

How I will remember him- quiet & gentle, ridiculously devoted, and incredibly sweet!

I've collected some of his soft, cottony fur from his brushes and put it in a sachet with a whisker of his that I found a while ago.  I must open that sachet 3x a day and look inside.  Eventually I know that I'll be able to go a day without taking a peek, and then a month... and then a few months and maybe even a year.  I know the pain will ease and that joyful memories will eventually take over.

Thank you, NiNi, for being the best woobie cat ever.  The best friend I've ever had.  For allowing me to lean on you during hard times (Lord knows how many tears I shed into your soft coat) and for allowing me to be the other half of such a special and exceptionally strong human-animal bond.  I'm so very glad that I got to know you and love you, my gentle, old man.  Rest in peace my dear, sweet Noosher.

>>':'<<

IN LOVING MEMORY 

OF

NEILAND ALOYSIUS

OCTOBER 16, 1994

MAY 21, 2010